though i give it all i had. give it all the way. it never did return the favor. not even reimbursin my loss. but i felt this way before. the feelin is just too familiar. fear whisper me a lullaby. confusin wad is real. no time to decipher. too late to interpret it. felt so perfectly inscure. now i cant see. darkness seem to close in. i cant hold on. not any longer. everyone pushes me away. believin im some kind of incurable disease. whats wrong with them? or even better, wads wrong with me? am i not who i suppose to be? i tried and all i.. and all i wan was acceptance. it duzen haf to come in carriages. i jus wana feel it. Seein the sand trickle down the hour glass. reminds me of the ever dyin time. i dun wana know. i close my eyelids. sometimes. the thots i tink dun make sense. even to me. they jus crowd around my mind. makin me doubt abt reality. i waited for a miracle to occur. it never came. every dream inside my head was pulped to dust. i regret. regret being me.

cant eu see i nidta feel sumting else? other than pain. i wana be with eu in summer not jus in the cold freezin winter. like everyone else i nidta feel some love. from eu and the world. yet the world is cruel. and all of a sudden this came. an overwhelming emotion that even heaven duzen noe. quite impossible but yea, is true. i am sick of it. i am through. tryin to please eu. tryin to make this whole situation okay. fix it yourselves? i am sorry. i mean shld i even apologise for smth i dun even gif a damn for? wadeva. "sorry" for all i've done wrong. for the times i have screwed up. but dun eu ever see? i am also human. dun treat me like a bandaid. a dumb old plaster. throw me when eu are done with it.. i dun jus wana soak up ur blood when eu are hurt. i wana be there forever. eu may replaced me when im useless, why does he gets to soak up ur happiness too? haiz. nvmm guess im done being ur life supporting machine. gettin ignored once eu are fully healed. i dread it when eu are happy, eu alwaes forget me when eu do smile. i hate. hate being me.

(to be continued)

-devilxiv